I want it all back. Even the bad. Go ahead, lie to me. I’ll smack your face, you hold me down & scare me. Tell me I’ll regret it, but you don’t do a thing. Call me a bitch. Tell me I don’t understand. Just come back. I need you. It physically hurts so bad. My skin is ripping off. My heart is tearing to shreds. My chest is caving in. I can’t do it.
Poke me, flick me, pinch me, talk during my show, kiss me while I’m screaming at you, tickle me, pull my hair, piss me off. I miss it..
I think you’re here aunt Jane. I think you’re helping me. I don’t believe in god or crazy things, but I believe in you. I believe I wouldn’t be alive right now if you weren’t watching. I’m sorry if you found things disappointing when you passed & saw my life. I know I make a lot of mistakes, but there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t look at the ring you gave me & think of you & your sassy attitude. I had so much respect for you & I’m sorry we never got close until the cancer spread. I regret that the most. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for staying for me. Thank you for being in my dream. I love you so much & I wish you were alive, but maybe I need you right how you are. Just thank you.
& this is why I’m alone now.. because I never appreciated things like this while I had them.. I just want you to be okay no matter what happens to me. I want you to be clean & care about yourself more than your next high.. I want you to be safe & in my arms. I want to hold you & I want your gram to give you a sign in your dreams that you need to change.. her & I were the only ones you’d listen to & now I’m afraid its only her, when she’s gone.. please get better. Please stop hurting me. I love you so much & just talking to you would make me want to not kill myself, for you. You’re all that ever mattered & you’re gone..